Loving our (DIfficult) Neighbour

It's always a challenge to love our neighbour and it helps to have a set of internal motivators to keep us on track when all we wanna do is yell/maim/smack/tick off the other person. :) Love is the theory, Practical how?

When Person is Being Difficult, try these on the spot tactics:

1) Truth is your greatest weapons to disarm the Person. Lead the person to see you are just concerned about getting to the truth of the situation

2)Deliberately slow down your speech so that your words are deliberate and measured rather than fast and furious. Give time for yourself to weigh out your reactions before you answer back. Do not do the quick retort - it always comes out crap.

3) A well-considered response requires time and more information to craft, so keep asking the person leading questions to buy you both. Never assume you know everything about why the other person is acting up the way they do. Always humble yourself that way.

4) If you are easily angered, tell the person you need some time to cool off because you are not interested in fighting or causing Person to be unneccessarily hurt or angered. Walk away and some back as soon as you can to finish up what you left unresolved. NEVER walk away without explaining why you are doing so.

5) If you were in the right, be humble. If you were in the wrong, be humble. Neither situations require you to use volume, speed, wit or verbosity to make your point.

6) Always be prepared to apologise. Chances are, there is something for you to apologise about even if you were in the right. Do not apologise for things you have clearly NOT DONE - after all we are all committed to the Truth here right? Apologise perhaps for the way you said things, or the attitudes within you etc. etc. but do not apologise for apolosigising sake or to simply please the other person. You apologise because there are things to be apologised for.

7) Always make amends as soon as possible...your minimum time is as soon as the quarrel begins and your maximum time is by the end of the day. "Never go to bed angry" is not just advice for marrieds! :)

8) Situations where righteous anger is justified are rather rare. Even if the situation allows you to justifiably be angry, choose to bite down words you may regret.


And of course, the long term tactics are
1) pray pray pray pray pray
2) lean on His strength and His understanding that YOU (and the other person) can change
3) share with accountability partner whom you can trust not to gossip about or be judgemental of Difficult Person.
4) read God's word regularly, memorise verses about Love and Grace. Trust me, the verses will recur in your mind when you most need them

Blogging the Bible

Highly recommend: blogging.

I believe the ancients of ages past called it, rather quaintly, "journalling", and went at it with a real pen with ink in it and bits of flattened pulp.

"All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:16)

So reading the Bible, the very word of God, teaches us to think God's thoughts after him, to see reality not with our muddied distorted glasses but with the clean clear lenses of God's. Reading the Scriptures day after day rebukes and corrects our wayward minds and crooked worldview; it straightens out our confused minds and the Spirit wields it to transform our hearts and wills so that we begin to live as God designed us to live: under God's rule, in God's truth, with love for God's people, in godliness and righteousness. It is the wonderful lamp to our feet in the darkness and the map and compass/GPS device that direct our paths.

Setting aside some time every day to check our directions is essential if we don't want to get lost. But there's no point just staring at a map and appreciating the pretty green and blue colours on it or the patterns and boxes. A map to be read for direction has to be read intently and purposefully. So with the Bible.

And the main point is the map/Bible reading. Blogging merely focuses the mind and will and ensures that time is set aside every day to read the Bible intently and purposefully (slightly difficult to write down any coherent thoughts on the passage otherwise). Doesn't have to be near some gurgling/stagnant mosquito-lavae-filled water element or at some quiet 有山有水的地方. Just as map-reading can be done anywhere, so can Bible-reading, even online.

Blogging anywhere is slightly more difficult if there isn't a wireless hotspot nearby and your next-door neighbour, unlike so many of mine, properly secures his wireless LAN (just kidding). But blogging is just a tool to direct the mind, heart and will to understand and process what God is saying in his word. The cavemen tools of pen and paper will do just as well.

:-)

Accountability

think it’s a pretty good idea for us to share helpful tips/disciplines, so ive thought of a few hacks to blog about. first off, sth quite close to heart - accountability. Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:1-2 The Christian journey isn’t meant to be walked alone. We know that the Bible calls us to carry each other’s burdens, to confess our sins to & pray for each other… precisely cos its tough to live for Him, in isolation, apart from the Body of believers. Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise... If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:13-16 Forming accountability huddles (with 1 or 2 other persons) I believe is a needful way to help each other apply the truths learnt at BS & sermons in practical day-to-day scenarios. Listening & studying the Bible is the easier part of the equation. Putting it to practice, changing our lives is the much harder part! (James 1:22-25) Often times we form convictions & resolve to change, but we lack the discipline to pray & work through these convictions. Accountability is one way to help us do that. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. James 1:22-25 Here is my suggestion of what accountability partnering shd look like :) what it would accomplish/areas it wld cover: i. Confession of sin to each other Share with your buddy wrt specific areas of weakness/sin that you’re struggling with. Its not an easy thing to do cos it means shining the spotlight on our secret fears, insecurities, crutches, sins. But that’s also the whole point – sin exposed is easier to deal with than sin in secret. Admitting to someone you can trust means you aren’t alone in your struggle and there is someone who can partner with you against the sin, in prayer & by keeping you accountable about your progress. Sharing also forces you to think through your life, to admit to yourself & God the areas/attitudes you need to change. In sharing of life & struggles, bro/sis can also shed new light & help suggest practical ways where you can avoid temptation. Buddy should ask you about the issue the next time you meet to keep you accountable. ii. Pray for each other Remind each other that with genuine confession, you’re forgiven in Christ. Repentance/change ways & attitudes – pray for God to help you change, about specific areas that you should persist in, etc. Reliance on God in prayer on issues that are burdening us / sharing of burdens & joys. iii. Encourage each other To press on in living for Him - against specific sin, changing attitudes, in decision-making. By sharing lessons/convictions that He has taught. For SC & me, we usually spent about 20-30mins each sharing the main issues/lessons/sins that confronted us, that God brought to our awareness since the last update. Sometimes, we will give advice, share wisdom, encourage or point out blind spots/ areas to change… basically talk it through. Then, we will proceed to pray. One person will confess sins & pray about struggles & the other person will pray in response for her. Then we switch roles. who to look for: he/she should… - be a committed believer of Christ - display a level of maturity & trustworthiness – someone you can trust to keep in confidence the issues you share - be available & willing to do accountability with you on regular basis - once a week or fortnight is ideal - be someone you are comfortable with, can share openly with - be someone that is humble & not judgemental, yet able to correct & point out flaws in love - be of the same gender as you, if you’re single may or may not be (in my humble opinion)... - someone of the same background – he/she doesn’t have to work in the same industry nor be serving in the same ministry - someone of the same marital status – he/she doesn’t have to be single or attached or married like you Although one might think its easier to relate to someone that’s similar, I personally think there is value in being of different backgrounds as there is added perspective & insight from the other’s angle which you (or someone similar to you) may not point out. It would be ideal to have separate accountability with a peer, an older mentor & someone younger. However, its not always easy to find people that can commit the time & effort to meeting regularly for this purpose so I’d say that some accountability is better than none. how you should prepare: - be ready to be real, honest & vulnerable in sharing your weaknesses, failings, sins - be committed to meeting regularly - be committed to being a true friend, bro/sis displaying the qualities above as much as possible wrt humility, boldness to speak truth & trustworthiness lastly, trust God to work! you’d be surprise at how God can work through you & your buddy to develop both your characters and the friendship. ______________________________ Think different people have different ideas of how an accountability session/buddy looks like & what it should accomplish. The above are just my views based on (limited) personal experience with my buddy. In what i highlighted, you might realise that you’re already doing some of it within your DG or with closer friends. That’s great! If not, its my prayer that you might see the value of & be encouraged to pursue accountability with someone. Apart from forming a ‘formal’ accountability group, accountability & praying for each other can & should also take place with other bros/sisters in the church. God has been showing me the beauty & joy in committing to prayer what little I know about the struggles that my bros/sisters are going through. Even from short sharing/chatting over drinks or msn or reading blogs, its possible to love & uplift the other by praying for the person in your own time. They may not even know & it doesn’t matter, but sometimes it’s the best way to care cos there’s little you can do otherwise to aid the situation. End of the day, its not about adopting a model, more rules or subscribing to a ‘more christiany’ way of doing things. Its about helping each other become more Christ-like & sharing ways that could be useful in our journey towards that. Hope you found this (long winded) hack helpful! :)

Quick Tips for the Busy Season

Reading the Bible

Have my bible right next to my alarm which is set so that I'll have 15 min to read the bible once I wake up.

When the alarm rings in the morning, I'll shut it, grab the bible, flip to where I last ended and read 1 chapter. By the end of the reading, I'm normally quite awake.

Asking the journalistic 'Who, What, Where, Which, How' questions when studying passages.

Who is the passage/teaching meant for?

Where does the incident take place? (If appropriate)

What are its main themes? What are the OT/NT passages that have the same themes/references? What is it trying to teach the original audience?

Which passage speaks to me/ is the essence of the passage? (Note down and memorise)

How can I apply what I've learned in my life?

Praying

Making use of every opportunity when travelling alone for talking with God (prayer) and thanksgiving. It also helps me to sing songs esp those with lyrics from the bible (yeah, I did get strange stares sometimes when I unconsciously sing out loud, I take comfort in the fact I don't know these people... yet). Examples are 'Whom have I in heaven but you?' (Ps 73), 'Psalm 24', 'I'd rather Love' with 1 Cor 13 (from Hwee Yen's 'In a Little While'), 'Highest place' with Phil 2:5-11 (from Mark Peterson's 'Whatever Happens')....

Also, when confronted with difficult situations esp in evangelism, to remember to consult God first (by praying quickly, silently) before responding. I tend to forget this myself. It's a matter of applying it regularly whenever we remember it.